What do the number 88 bus and my publishers have in common?….They are always bloody late!

Sorry folks, but there will be a teensy weensy delay in the publication of A Northern Life. But only for a couple of days whilst the editor reinserts ‘Dinner’ in all the right places (we don’t do ‘Lunch’ up here chuck) and comes to terms with the fact that ‘Me’ is the proper way to say ‘My’!

You have my word of honour (nothings crossed, honest…not even me eyes) that the book will be available by this Tuesday December 10th on Amazon and Anysubjectbooks.com

If you wish to pre-order please Contact Clive via his facebook page: Any subject books or by email Clive@anysubjectbooks.com

In the meantime, please enjoy my handy tips on how to make the most of the neighbours having a row

Be prepared: Have a glass handy in every room. The wall that separates your back room and theirs, is usually the flimsiest. But don’t be afraid to try other walls..you won’t miss much if you’re quick about it.

If they’re rowing in the back yard, have a bit of washing to peg out… If it’s not a Monday, send one of the kids to the shop and make them go via the entry. You can then justify why you are stood at the back gate…”I’ll watch til you get to the end…leave that tar bubble alone. It’ll still be there when you get back”

Change the Nets: Everyone knows you have to go in and out several times to check the ‘drape’ is right

If the clubman calls. keep him on the step by asking unneccessary questions…”Just go through them terms and conditions one more time luv…I AM listening, I’ve just got a trapped nerve in me neck and it helps if I lean this way”

If you’re the adventurous type, get up a ladder and check the loft for cladding…hopefully you and the neighbours won’t have any and sound really travels up there (not that I’d know)

If all else fails, air out the house by opening every window and both front and back doors. Gag the kids and pull on a cardi, then look forward to being crowned top dog of the local gossip at your next bus stop appearance