IT’S DONE!

I’ve forgotten what it’s like to wear shoes and the only contact I’ve had with some of my family is when they came to mind whilst writing a chapter. But my dear friends after what seems like an eternity, the book is finally finished. Time for a cup of Kenco Millicano (I can do Posh, when I want to) and a celebratory Roll up….I’m all out of Cuban cigars.

I’m so tempted to post a bit. i can’t stop laughing meself and I know every soddin punchline. But I don’t want you flipping through the book going “Read it, read it, read it……. I want me money back”

I’m gonna send it off to the publisher now and then get drunk. I’d better make sure I do it in that order too. Can you imagine the look on their faces if they receive a copy of my ‘leccy Bill on Monday. I promised them a Comedy not a Horror story!

Thank you to the many contributors to my Mancunian Dictionary. Look out for your name in the acknowledgements. God willing my next post will contain details of where you can purchase the Book. provisionally titled A Northern Life: Little tales from the life of a Mancunian Kid…………I’m also told I need a more ‘Authory’ name too. So I’m going with A.L. Mottley (My Maiden name) In tribute to my Mam and Dad……and J.B. Fletcher too…..Ooooh and that chap, whatisface Hartley from the Yellow pages ad…..But I digress.

It was your wonderful responses to my little stories that encouraged me to write an actual book about my lovely life and experiences growing up. I wondered if I was being a bit ‘big-headed’ and deluded writing my Childhood ‘Life’ story, after all I’m not famous or owt’ The only time I’ve been on stage is to receive a prize at School for good attendance (I went for the Dinners) But then I thought. My ‘Ordinary’ life means as much to me as any Celebrity’s means to them and even if no one else reads it. I can make me Siblings buy a copy each. There’s a soddin nuff of them to keep me in Fruit Salads and Sherbet dips for the rest of my life.

I’m off now to create mayhem…..Gonna get the Grandkids some suspiciously bright coloured Sweets and crap toy’s from Poundland. Then sit back and watch my daughters deal with the aftermath…..It’ll bring back some wonderful Memories…..Ta-ra for now.

Advertisements

THE END IS NIGH

Well for the first time ever. I’m close to finishing something I started. NOT that 1000 piece jigsaw of SKY and SEA. What sort of Mother buys an Eight year old a gift like that for Christmas?

28 Chapters done and dusted. But seeing as me Mam always said I was an odd child I’m going to have to be true to myself and write one more Chapter!
Anyway. Just to whet your appetite (and show off) here is the final Chapter list

PROLOGUE: (how posh is that? ¬†Well if it’s good enough for the guy who wrote the Da Vinci Code. It’s good enough for me)

Chapter 1: The early days.
Chapter 2: The grown ups.
Chapter 3: Mayhem in Moston.
Chapter 4: A Sister or two…..or three.
Chapter 5: Are we there yet?
Chapter 6: The chosen one. (and i don’t mean Jesus….or Jose)
Chapter 7: What’s in a name.
Chapter 8: Great escapes.
Chapter 9: Telly.
Chapter 10: Sticky out dresses and other delights.
Chapter 11: Noseyparker.
Chapter 12: We’ve made her mad. Now let’s make her a pressie.
Chapter 13: Murder and the Mancunian Mam.
Chapter 14: Pets to poorliness.
Chapter 15: Why’s your face like that?
Chapter 16: What accent?
Chapter 17: Mancunian Medicine.
Chapter 18: Going back to my roots.
Chapter 19: Love child?
Chapter 20: Race wars.
Chapter 21: There’s loads of Parks near Collyhurst.
Chapter 22: You can’t buy Prem in the Papershop.
Chapter 23: The joys of School.
Chapter 24: Born Blue. (and not from lack of Oxygen…..Man U fans might want to skip this bit)
Chapter 25: We’re not going on a Summer holiday.
Chapter 26: It’s like being an only child (I wish!)
Chapter 27: How did I get here? (Not the chapter. I mean HOW did I get here)
Chapter 28: Roast potato’s and the Nit comb? It must be Sunday.
Chapter 29: Wait and see!

I’ll let you know when I have a definite date for publishing. Thank you for the wonderful encouragement and support.

HALFWAY THERE…..

15 Chapters done. I think I deserve an Egg Custard and a brew. Especially after completing that last chapter about food…….If you’re feeling a bit peckish yourself, I’ll treat you to my Mams Stew recipe. A little something to tide you over whilst I complete chapters 16 – I’d better shut up now!

Enjoy, and please note, more recipes can be found in the appendix to ‘A Northern Life’

These include:

OXO Cube soup
Fillingless bread with Salt and Pepper garnish
Sugar butty gateau
Jelly cube vol au vents (Pastry free)

MAM’S STEW

Good for torturing young children and making Dads take over kitchen duties.

INGREDIENTS
1 to 7Ibs of Stewing meat <dependant on amount of sprogs at any given time>
Please note: No particular animal/meat type is mentioned. This is not a typo error. Unnamed meat is cheaper.

A ‘Nunion’ <well that’s how we say it>

Water <Lots>

Potatoes <lovely as chips…..’orrible in stew>

Salt and pepper to taste <if you remember>

Carrots <for colour. But mainly ‘cos kids hate them>

Seasonal veg also make this a very versatile dish. For example: Sprouts turn it into ‘Festive Stew’

An OXO cube <if there’s any left. if not chuck in some gravy browning>

INSTRUCTIONS
Take one large pan. The one for boiling nappies is ideal…..remove nappies first….or don’t. It makes no difference to the taste

Peel anything with a skin. Leave fat on the meat. It’s good for kids….anything that looks and tastes horrible is good for kids.

Chop up anything little mouths can choke on. Some of you may have a kid with a big gob….. Leave an extra big piece of fatty meat, just for her.

Put the peeled and chopped stuff in the pan. Fill to the top with water. Boil for hours. Serve.

Leave kids in kitchen with threat of ‘death’ if they don’t eat every last bit.

Watch Z Cars in peace.

Re-enter kitchen. Smile at empty plates. Send kids to bed.

Feel suspicious. Borrow next doors dog to sniff out food. Find food, behind immersion heater, in plant-pot on window sill and wedged beneath Mangle.

Find additional chunks in Ewbank.

Visit kids bedroom….Take belt….Use belt.

Clean kitchen. Put remaining stew <Loads> in Tupperware container. Serve for next 5 meals!