MAM NOWADAYS

A more up to date story and Testament to Mams consistency.

We’re sat in Ante-natal. Me, my Daughter (the Pregnant one) and Mam!  Because she still gets to have ‘First Go’ in family matters

“Where you going? oooh! I’m coming too’!…….

We are here for the 16 week scan.

My daughter is expressing doubts about being a good parent. A normal worry for any first time Mum.
Before she replies, Mam looks around the waiting room. Not to see if there’s anyone about. It’s packed out!…. Nooooo! She wants to make sure that no-one there knows us. To people who know us. The neighbours, the Clubman, the Lollipop Lady. That sort of thing….To THEM she makes out we are practically perfect in every way……

“My Child would NEVER do something like that Mrs Harris. My kids are RAISED not DRAGGED UP. Now I suggest you P**S OFF”!

But all is well. The waiting room is full of strangers. Just the same as people at bus-stops…….only sitting!

She speaks.

“I wouldn’t worry about it darling grandaughter”

The Woman has a split personality!….My kids don’t believe me when I tell them how strict she was.

“What! Cuddly wuddly Nana who gives us Sweets and Toys. She could never be mean”

She continues…

“Your Mum (ME!)  was a CRAP parent at first. But Slowly, over the years she’s TRIED to improve” 

My Daughters name is called over the Tannoy…..Thank God! She’ll have to shut up now.

My daughter walks across to the Examination room. Just as she’s about to go in. My Mam shouts out to her….. and you just know the whole of the waiting room is listening. She’s been gaily entertaining them for the last 20 minutes, with tales of cheating husbands and ungrateful children.

“Don’t forget to tell them your Mam is Half-Caste”  she shouts, in her dulcet Foghorn. “Cos they have to check the Baby for that funny Blood thing”

(she means Sickle Cell!… I’m sinking lower and lower into my chair)

“But tell them I had your Mam tested and she was fine. Cos at the end of the day. Like I said to her Dad. I let you get away with cheating on me. But give my Child a disease and I’ll KILL YOU”……..

Sometime later, we are allowed in for our first glimpse of the Baby. Mam takes one look at the beautiful 16 week fetus onscreen and exclaims

“Oh My God! It’s got MY Nose” !

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